How to stop being angry/sad?

Rage or anger would be an understatement. Even for the smallest things, i get angry. Sometimes for things that are supposed to deserve angry responses, i would be more angry than i should be. I want to "eliminate it". i can never let the past go, and the memories continuously haunt me, sadden me and raise my rage. I always get mad and upset at my family because i remember far back, since about 3 years old and on. the memories my anger and sadness are decaying my brain and consuming my sanity. i can not forgive them or anybody who has wronged me. at the same time, i love and hate my mom for the past things, and i feel bad at the same time. sometimes overwhelming guilt. im probably seriously traumatized, and i always hold serious grudges and dwell on problems. but worst of all, i always get punched or pushed around and bottle all THAT anger up, without punching back and not able to defend myself. and it doubles my current anger and sadness. only recently have i learned how to speak back to other people, because i never objected to an opinion, or anything i always bottled my anger, but i still cannot fight back or anything. i probably wasted someone's time, but thanks for reading and if you have a suggestion for me, i would appreciate it. Please dont suggest pills, i am already takin some. lets stay off the freakin pill subject. and they arent the problem, i recently started taking some. thanks for your time.